I wrote this a couple of months back having been totally uninspired by the playing out of the EU referendum. The jadedness had little to do with the impending result and was more based on the terms on which many normal citizens, everyday folk were letting things be played under. The parallels of discourse between this one and the Scottish independence referendum became at times so wearily familiar. The drip drab of thought and opinion funnelling down from the top is often seized upon by those too sheltered to craft beliefs of their own, crawling out of their rock to suckle desperately at power’s teat. Time and time again they will stand in the way of grassroots attempts for localised nourishment and claim violence by those who attempt to challenge their previously unchallenged position. I’m still wondering now who is it that actually informs their life, their singular existence on this planet with the placing of pertinence on such dire issues as Richard Branson’s impartial billionaire opinion or other utterly morose principles. Why do people cling on to these ideas with such credence and use them to back up their own sad world view? At least open your mind to just a modicum of naive or deluded idealism. Dare to dream.
That thought feeds away from nourishingly empty ‘democracy’ to a wider idea on people’s individual make ups in the world. I have spent many years feeling chained within myself as I held a view of the world that I believed was shared by others and looked at their actions as their attempt to realise those values. Being so stuck in my head and lacking in inner confidence, I often tried to copy what they were doing as if it would enlighten me further on. I may not have done enough yet to get self righteous but I had and still do have an idea that you should live your life to help those in need, not because these people are always going to be that way but because every so often it is important to play your part in a culture that suggests that when people do need it they will have the support network of a society. The principle should outweigh the personal cost. I thought that people would inherently seek the betterment of others, not just themselves and though I still see plenty people who live their life in such a way, I cannot understand those who were born with such opportunity who funnel themselves into a system that is so adept at individualising and isolating them yet also so equally talented in homogenising them. The air of dulled self interest reeks from people who join such ranks. Aye, they might be a good guy to meet on the surface, they might always be up for a laugh but what are they doing working as a cog in something like a bank that because it has been allowed to become so bloated is unable to digest the courses of power that it devours, leading inevitably to trapped gases full of corruption. For them, their lives involve the tedium of a 9-5 existence and through the proliferation of employment of themselves and others this allows the organisation to arch its influence over a plethora of monstrosities, be it widespread tax evasion blunting the tools of a coherent society or the financing of weapon sales that all too often get cashed in on top of the innocent civilians of an exploited land. Sometimes they’ll even make some sales on the back of this success.
We’re all complicit in the atrocities of the human race in some way but if the focal part of your life involves directly working for the company that facilitates such callous actions in the wider name of profit and ‘just doing my job’ then at the hollowed out centre of your soul, you are a cunt.
Cunt. A word that needs to be extrapolated from the inherent gender violence it connotes and screamed loud and clear in the modern day with new meaning. A word so vile that its ire must move away from the victim to the perpetrator. We should make it such a negative word that no one would seek to be one until eventually it is no longer necessary and the word dies away, confined to the pages of a dated kitchen sink Scottish novella. Until then, those who through choice engage themselves in the corporate stratosphere that streamlines lives for the privileged into such uninspiring convenience and dangles the seldom cherry of hope to the poor whilst kicking them further down and slitting their mother’s throats are cunts.
Do you do it because you feel the pressure to get a good job?
Do you ever question what a good job means beyond the digits sprawling from your payslip?
Are you keeping someone happy?
Why do they seek happiness from the enslavement of your breaths within air conditioned office walls?
Will you look back on your life and remember the good times, like the company bonus of 2019 and be able to come up with any other answer for it beyond that it was absolutely meaningless?
Interest rates were favourable that year though, weren’t they?
Will there ever be a time that you suddenly consider if your legacy will be more than one of complete frivolousness?
Will you think of the actions you could have taken that would have made a difference to other people’s lives long after you were gone or will you think it satisfactory enough that your insurance company was able to smash its sales targets five years in a row at the peak of your career?
Couldn’t you have learnt to paint, to write poetry, to have affected another person’s soul?
To have been the colour they needed to change their life.
Instead grey will be the colour of your legacy and not even a distinguishable grey. Your speck will eviscerate in the same uninspiring way you led your life. Clattered into the obvious, consuming everything you were told until you were expired. From the half price frappucinos on Friday to the small talk of fitba’ on a Monday, every moment of your life was orchestrated with such little effort by a cohort of others who lived the same as you. They all propped up the same draining system, flippantly if ever pressed, able to claim that they’re just one person, they couldn’t change anything. You might feel unable to change anything, but you can certainly have a go and change yourself. Just because you can’t change the world doesn’t mean you have to keep playing your small part that legitimises the shiteness in it and sells you short.
You were not put on this earth to fight the fight for the redrawing of a clothing companies headquarters.
You were born organically out of a confusing, confounding lump of rock hurtling around the sun.
The chaos cannot be doused by your expediency for obediency.
I thought others held this view as well and I watched on at some of the things people done to clutter up their lives and wondered where they were going with it. But I’ve had to start realising that people that go to Nando’s and seek corporate jobs in finance firms perhaps don’t have the same world view as me. Maybe deep down there is something that inherently binds us together but which one of us is blinded more to the actions of the other?
You may not be a bad person but I can’t see how people justify themselves spiritually with such banality around them. There’s a beautiful fucking world out there with infinite possibility for the soul to engage in.
What are you doing to dance with it?
By Paul Gibson